2019: Out like a lion
2019: Out like a lion…a year of facing fears and finding courage.
January 1, 2020
Heading into 2020, taking it literally (20/20), a year of clear vision and the courage to trust.
If you’d have told me in 2010 I’d be writing a blog like this one I wouldn’t have believed you. If I look back at “then and now” the last decade feels like lifetimes. There have been struggles. There has been joy. There has been a lot of transformation. There has been healing. I’ve been building the courage to open up to that for many years, perhaps this whole decade and then some. These last few years have been messy, humbling and liberating.
I faced fears, set healthy boundaries and accepted that I have made every choice that led me to this moment. Once you realize that your own choices landed you right where you are, you realize that it’s your choices that will lead you to where you are going. For as much as I say, “relinquish control”, I realize that we DO have control in one area of our life. We control our own choices. We control if we choose anger or joy. We control if we choose defeat or strength. We control if we choose to face fear or allow it to stifle us.
Setting boundaries in self-love is equally liberating and terrifying. It’s maybe one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. Much of the last few years has been about facing fears. About trusting myself. About stopping the old patterns that kept me in my way and made life so much more difficult. It’s not that healthier choices are not difficult. It’s that they move me in a direction of growth rather than stagnancy or regression. I can move the needle forward or I can freeze. I can say yes to myself or I can deplete myself. I can let my emotions manifest in my body or I can form a new relationship with my emotions and learn to feel them, process them, and let them go. I can be kinder to myself which, in turn, brings more kindness to others.
One of the most exciting pieces of 2019 was taking the leap and moving Jai Dee to Osseo. It’s an understatement to say that I was facing a few fears in that move. “What ifs” started playing in my head. Self-doubt reared its ugly head…again. I broke down on more than one occasion. I almost allowed myself to freeze. I almost talked myself out of trusting that this was the right move. Even though every fiber of my being was saying GO! DO THIS! IT’S TIME! YOU’VE GOT THIS! The part of me that loves to step in front of the moving train and stop the momentum was screaming equally loud. YOU’RE CRAZY! YOU WILL FAIL! Then I decided I was willing to fail. Failing is how you learn. It’s how you grow. It’s worth the risk. I don’t know where 2020 will take me, but my vision says it’s going to be worth every ounce of effort I put into it.
Where will you put your efforts this year?